First of all, this is not a rant regarding which is better. I just want to make that clear. But, I must say, I am a little bit frustrated and disappointed by what people perceive of working moms and stay at home moms. I was reading Bethanne's blog on babble.com where I found some really harsh, even hostile, comments regarding her decision to be a work from home mom, and hiring her sister as a live in nanny for her 2 year old son. People were saying that she was lazy, that if she needed a nanny she shouldn't be a mom, and other harsh comments. This got me all worked up, as I am a working mom.
So what is right? There really isn't a right answer to this. I never thought that I shouldn't have kids because I wanted or needed to work. And that I need to use a daycare center to care for my son while I am at work. Granted, I am lucky that I work at a hospital that provides daycare on site. So my son is always close by if something were to happen (not to mention, that there is a hospital right there if he were to get seriously hurt). Stay at home moms were commenting that because some moms work, then we are not being fully engaged in our child's upbringing. Why is this the case? Yes, I am away from Aidan 3 days a week for 12+ hours a day. But I get to see him in the morning, tuck him into bed at night, and spend 4 days a week together on my days off. Most weeks, I just work 2 days, then the weekend, where he gets to spend time with his daddy. Does that make me a bad mom? No, I think not.
Just because I work, does not mean Aidan is not getting the attention he deserves. He knows exactly who is mommy and daddy are. He loves his daycare class, and has made friends there. I have noticed his socialization skills have improved, as well as language and development just by going to 'school' a couple days a week. Staying at home all day, everyday, would keep him from doing that, as there would be little to no interaction with others, especially kids his age.
Also, why is it that its only the moms who get judged? What about the dads? Most dads are at work 5 days a week for 40+ hours. Do people judge them? No. And why that is? Well, because people still think that is the golden way to do things. Yeah, maybe back in the 1950s. It's 2012 guys! It's tough living on 1 income, especially with the lifestyles people want to live. My husband works 5 days a week, and Aidan doesn't feel as if he has any less of a father than if he were home 24/7. And that is no different with me. We enjoy our time together. I almost think I would get bored if I stayed home all day.
So my take on the stay at home mom thing, if we could afford it, I would totally do it. But we can't, and that's reality. I love living in a nice home, driving nice cars, and going out shopping and eating. I don't do well being cooped up all day every day, regardless if I had 1 child or 4. I don't think it would make a difference to me.
Now for working moms, I love it. I get to earn an exceptional income that allows me to have the lifestyle I want, and get to be a mom to Aidan all at the same time. I am very lucky to be a nurse. I only have to work 3 12 hour shift a week, which is almost like a part-time job but not. Aidan gets to socialize in daycare a couple days a week, which enhances his development, and he loves learning new things. Then I get 4 days of being a 'stay at home mom'. On my days off, me and Aidan sometimes go grocery shopping, take a mommy and me lunch date, or just sit around and do nothing. When his daddy gets home, they play for a while until its bedtime. This works for us. I don't think I would have it any other way.
So for all you working moms, kudos to you. You deserve a medal for what you do. For you stay at home moms, as long as it works for you, great. I can't really say any more than that, as I don't have a full perception on things. But please, don't judge the other when you have no idea what really happens in each family. Everyone finds what works best for them, and that's all that matters. It's not fair to say that stay at home moms are lazy because they don't work. They do! And its not fair to say that working moms are not engaged, because we are!!! And if you have to have a live in nanny to get things done, whether it be work or just for help, that should be fine as well. Don't judge a book by its cover. That's all I have to say about that. :-)
I definitely think both end of the spectrum are tough. There isn't a right or a wrong. And having worked in a child care facility I know that it offers such an excellent place for socialization and development. I applaud working moms. You have a lot to get done with little time to do it in. Stay at home moms rock too. Whatever works best for each individual family is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Hon. Very fair and balanced. My thoughts are people might have been judging her because she was working from home and still hired a nanny. People seem to think when you work from home, you have all the time in the world and can take care of your children. Not so. It is still called WORK for a reason, and you need to designate the proper time and effort if you want to do a good job and get paid. It's sad how quick people are to judge without thinking it through or knowing the other side of things.
Delete